In touch with my Feelings?

2. d. Am I in touch with my feelings or have I buried my anger and fear in false cheerfulness? Explain.

Had I answered this question when I first started the program I don’t think I could have given an honest answer. I never felt that I was angry or having fear – or at least didn’t admit to it. It was always ‘easier’ in my mind to bury strong emotions. I had often felt joy – when my children were growing, when things were well with my wife and with my work. Honestly I never wanted to risk displaying anger because I was always so concerned that I wouldn’t be able to control that emotion – that it would become overwhelming.
I spoke in the previous paragraph about my fears at least when it came to relationships. But there were other areas where fears come into play – fear of failure, which creates inertia – not willing to start something. Fear of discovery of personal imperfections and secrets. Fear that I won’t measure up to my own expectations and my perception of the expectations of others.
Cheerfulness is an easier demeanor to have even if you are churning with anger or fear. You aren’t shunned when you are cheerful; you are accepted and liked. So you put on the happy face and try to get along, whether you mean it or not.