Marriage Encounter Formula - When you do this (???) I feel like a (????)

Strange title I know because that isn't what I want to write about tonight but that popped into my feeble brain and became the title for this blog entry.

I went to a Worship Commission Meeting tonight with information concerning the 15 fastest growing churches in California and Hawaii. Specifically I had researched the times that these churches held their worship services with the thought that we were honestly investigating if we should change the timing of the traditional and contemporary services. Little did I know that neither Sue or Dean were open to this and that it was a complete waste of time. I guess the worst of it was to have even the format of the presentation criticized. If there was no legs for this then why was I working on it.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. The more I am involved with this group, the less I want to be involved with this group. I am finding that new ideas are not only not welcome, but to a great extent discouraged. I vow that I will never bring something new to this group - not after the way it was handled.

Adding to my frustration was that there wasn't any banter about would this be something that we should consider.

Now to try to understand my feelings around this. First, why am I so upset - its not the first time that I have been shutdown from the get go. The discussions have usually been open and the banter been good. But tonight it seemed as if making a change was considered to be out of the question.

I also wonder why we have had so many defections from the commission of older members. JoAnne seemed to make sense as she didn't feel that her voice was being heard and she was frustrated by it. Candy was a surprise as this seemed to be a passion for her. To a great extent her exchanges with JoAnne were probably the reason that JoAnne left. Although Dona White said it was because it was too late at night - I wonder if there weren't other reasons for her resigning that haven't been voiced.

Well if trying to please the few that would be inconvenienced versus the many that might come is more important then so be it. It's the bird in the hand versus the two in the bush ... you may not attract the two in the bush so you should hold onto the one in your hand.

Ultimately, Alex was correct. What is our vision? What are we here for? I don't think we know. I think Dave doesn't have a clue about where he is leading us and we haven't figured that out. He says he wants to find our vision but we continue to do the same things over and over - expecting new results. Insanity!

Well this has been cathartic - I feel like I was able to get somethings off my chest. Now if I can just not eat.

I resolve that I will not eat other anything tonight. I will repeat the serenity prayer until it passes. I will read from recovery until it passes. I will not eat.