Help Me I Think I'm Fallin' -- Joanie Mitchell

I think that I am having a horrible relapse. I go to meetings every week and my resolve is good on Thursday night and even on Friday morning. But by Friday evening I want crunch, salt, and regrettably fat. I have substituted white bread with whole wheat and say ... well I am eating healthy anyway. But that isn't enough because I am eating too much, much too much.

I want to change my lifestyle so that I am attractive to someone. I think that my weight has made be (in my mind) unattractive and unapproachable. I want to be able to have a relationship (I know at 60 is it too late?!) and I don't think that will happen if I am pushing my weight to the limit.

I do feel a lot better even if I am not be abstinent. My clothes fit better, I can see bodyparts that were hidden to me before (if you catch my drift) and I can walk and talk at the same time without getting breathless. I stopped taking my heart meds and I think it was the best thing for me. I may end up regretting that some day (maybe soon) but I feel better now.

Tonight is meeting night and I think I need to make the plunge and ask someone to be a sponsor. Judith says I shouldn't ask Margee - that she is too rigid but I have a closer affinity to her than any other sponsor in this group. And if the role of the sponsor is to keep you focused than having someone who is rigid may be the right choice. Its my choice and I think that I will ask her tonight.

I guess that's it. They say writing is one of the eight tools to have and now I will read from the Big Book.