Has it been so long?

I guess when you are writing for yourself it's hard to be disciplined. Tonight (meeting night) someone shared that they had been writing and they were finding it very fulfilling. So that is what is driving me now - get into the writing. Even if it comes to nothing and is never read by anyone, its worth it to 'dump' the crap so I can move on to better things.

I didn't share tonight but did write a comment that I had too much bread. Cynthia had observed yesterday that it seemed like I was making alot of bread lately (actually she said that I was eating a lot of bread lately.) I was in the process of making yet another pizza. I have been able to rationalize that since i was making things with whole wheat flour and that was healthier than white flour, that I didn't have to be as conscientious about how much I was taking in. I thought about it and I have been averaging at least 3 (4 honestly) slices of bread each day. That's probably not on my plan of eating (if I had one.)

I guess that's what I need to do - 1. find a sponsor and 2. develop a consistent plan of eating. I haven't wanted to approach anyone about being a sponsor - not sure why. Because they are women? Because I am not ready to be in communion with a person about my eating? Because I don't want to be held accountable? I don't know if that is what a sponsor does - I mean that is what it seems like with AA -your sponsor becomes your conscience right?

The plan of eating is also a problem - I mean I like being able to 'pick' what I want when I want it and as long as I observe sufficient time between meals and cut some of the problem foods (junk food, trigger foods, fatty foods) then I am being abstinent right? I wish I could ask someone that question. Maybe I will - call one of the persons in OA and get there feedback.

Well this doesn't make up for the weeks that I haven't posted but if a create a regimin I can really make this a tool that will work for me. I need to set a time when I will blog (journal) and stick to the plan. Early or Late - first thing in the morning. That might be good because I can make my daily commitment that way and start out in the right frame of mind. A little reading, a little journaling and who knows maybe I can really make a change.