Do I acknowledge that my current methods of managing have not been successful, and I need to find a new approach to life. Explain

The definition of insanity that seems to fit so well ... is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. My current methods of managing my life in general and compulsive behaviors specifically haven't worked. I have tried self-control, positive thinking training, diet plans, and finally, giving up. I didn't care ... let life just roll over me because I can't control it anyway. I quit living and hoped for dying.

Those thoughts aren't always gone but they aren't pervasive like they were. Usually when I get to that place in the past, I have just looked for anything that would 'satisfy' my cravings, usually heavy, fat, greasy, rib-sticking, home food. I am still not in a place where I work the tools. Rarely do I go to the literature, pick up the phone, look for a meeting, or just start writing. Learning to use the tools - to get to a better place is the key.

So I do acknowledge that what I have been doing hasn't been working and that getting a new approach isn't just important, it's a matter of life and death.

Why do I binge?

I feel like I am in control usually but sometimes I let it all go ... even when I know that I am full and don't need to eat anymore. So what is it that I am feeling at that time?

1. Anxious = not about the food but about some other stimulus - lack of purpose. I feel like I am sleep walking sometimes - going through life waiting for something to happen but not doing anything to make things happen.

2. bored - sometimes when I am not being active or engaged into something I will find myself migrating to the frig/stove/shelf. I have reduced my wheat floured cravings somewhat. I haven't made bread since the first of the year - even though I have been investigating how to make a good baguette.

3. lost hope - I have dreamed that by losing weight and getting my mind in a better place that I can find a new life - one that I can share with someone. and when I get to a place where I lose that dream I feel begin to feel sorry for myself and will start to binge. It doesn't matter anyway if I am fat, unhealthy or unattractive.

4. lost confidence - when I weigh myself and find that I haven't lost or even gained, well it just seems like its waste of time and I begin to binge.