In Touch with My Feelings continued

In my last post I had written about fears and how they create inertia. When I spoke with my sponsor about this he wanted me to expand on that a little more. I am not sure what to say about it except that inertia equates to procrastination. What are the reasons we procrastinate about things - especially relationships.

I know that in my work situation when I am faced with a challenge or a conflict I will do whatever I can to avoid it. Often it will mean putting things off even to my own detriment. I used to make to do lists of the items that I needed to accomplish in a day. I have been through various time management programs (7 habits of highly effective people, Franklin TimeManagement, etc.) and they all suggest that you should prioritize your tasks using a four level or quadrant system.

A level tasks - high importance, high impact - must be done today or life as you know it will be effected.

B level tasks - high importance, low impact - could be delayed but recognize that it can become an A level task overnight.

C level tasks - low importance, high impact - usually routine items that recur that if not done timely will have a consequence but wouldn't create a large ripple, e.g. loan payments, etc.

D level tasks - low importance, low impact - if you don't do them no one will even know. Can be delayed until the are elevated by time. Or if never elevated then can be put off.

Now you would think that those A level tasks would capture my interest and effort but I would find myself working on things that are B or C level because they were easier/didn't involve conflict. Of course, when the A level tasks aren't done, they become very very visible to people (aka bosses).

I recall one point that these classes stressed - always make the prioritization an A level task that you did before you did anything else. You can decide what you are going to do if you haven't already evaluate what you have to do.

What does any of this have to do with fears and avoiding problems. It only shows that when I know that there are A level items to be done - I will often not do them to my own detriment - because the fear of conflict was greater than fear of being found deficient.

Fear of relationships - especially with women: That could go on for days but of course it can be summed up in a quick thought. Fear of rejection. Fear that the person would find me unattractive, boring, unappealing, (at least I didn't say revolting - although that has entered my mind.) I look back on my relationships it was usually with someone who approached me - even my wife. But also Marsha and she who can not be named (she not evil - just wants her privacy maintained). I honestly can't say that I ever approached woman to begin a relationship. Actually I take that back - I did recently ask someone out - she was stunned that I had because our relationship had always been friendly - kindred spirit sort of thing - but she did turn me down because she was already seeing someone (which was news to me).

Sharon was a bit of set up - we were both divorced and our children were friends. We sort of migrated to each other. I had a wonderful time with her, but conflict kind of ended that relationship. I recently tried to rekindle it but found that there was too much baggage from our previous time that wasn't able to overcome. But this isn't really talking about fear.

Now I seldom find myself in situations where I can meet women so it hasn't been something that I have had to work through. My social life is pretty limited - church, OA, family. I had thought about going to eHarmony but that fear of rejection has continued to stymie my resolve.

I guess that is all I want to say on this topic so I will move on.