6. Do I believe only an honest admission to myself of the reality of my condition can save me from my destructive eating? Why?
Absolutely - Admitting it to my sponsor, to friends and to others in OA do not make it happen, only to solidify resolve. If I haven't admit to myself and accepted that many parts of my life are out of control - unmanageable - then I will never do anything to release my weight and to recover my life.
I understand that this is life changing process - not just getting control of my eating. The eating is more of a demonstration/edification of my condition. If I had other vices - drinking, drugs, even sexual addictions - they would also be out of control.
What if I didn't accept the reality of my condition? What would things be like? Would I be able to release my weight and be able to recover my life? Not likely. What else do I have to do to make things better?
Get a job
Improve my outlook
Consider new horizons
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
5. Have I tried to control myself and wound up demoralized? Even when I succeed, has it been enough to make me happy? Explain.
5. Have I tried to control myself and wound up demoralized? Even when I succeed, has it been enough to make me happy? Explain.
How many times have I started something only to give up, to stop trying, to say its too hard. As a child, it was sports - I was never that good but had hopes. But once I would tryout and not succeed, I would quit. I know its a character flaw - but I often look back at it and think "My dad shouldn't have let me stop" or "Mom was too permissive about things like that." It was their fault that I wasn't better at things - not the fact that I just wasn't a very good athlete and lacked the tenacity to practice until I could master it.
As an adult I often let others decide what would happen. In work I never asked for or demanded raises or promotions. Fortunately, the promotions came without much trouble until I reached a manager; then it wasn't based on time on the job and being a loyal and diligent employee. It was based upon meeting or exceeding expectations and stroking the right egos.
In personal relationships it was also more like things would happen - not that I would make them happen. I started dating my wife after she let it be known that she wanted me to ask her out (to a personal friend). I didn't actually propose - I asked in a backward way "if I were to ask you would you consider it?" Not really a proposal. Then when it came time to actually ask - she said "if you were to ask that question, then I think I would say 'yes'" - several weeks later. So who proposed to whom?
I have only really felt like I was a success when I became a parent. Having the unconditional love of a child was the most wonderful feeling.
My past attempts to control my impulses and addictive behaviors haven't been very successful. I tried on several different times to start diets and weight control programs with some success. But it was so easy to revert - to justify giving up. "Hey I proved I can lose weight - look at how well I am doing. So I can have (fill in the blank) because I have proven what I can do." After so many times of saying I 'earned' this - and realizing that I was no longer following the plan, so I would give it all up. Its the same cycle.
How many times have I started something only to give up, to stop trying, to say its too hard. As a child, it was sports - I was never that good but had hopes. But once I would tryout and not succeed, I would quit. I know its a character flaw - but I often look back at it and think "My dad shouldn't have let me stop" or "Mom was too permissive about things like that." It was their fault that I wasn't better at things - not the fact that I just wasn't a very good athlete and lacked the tenacity to practice until I could master it.
As an adult I often let others decide what would happen. In work I never asked for or demanded raises or promotions. Fortunately, the promotions came without much trouble until I reached a manager; then it wasn't based on time on the job and being a loyal and diligent employee. It was based upon meeting or exceeding expectations and stroking the right egos.
In personal relationships it was also more like things would happen - not that I would make them happen. I started dating my wife after she let it be known that she wanted me to ask her out (to a personal friend). I didn't actually propose - I asked in a backward way "if I were to ask you would you consider it?" Not really a proposal. Then when it came time to actually ask - she said "if you were to ask that question, then I think I would say 'yes'" - several weeks later. So who proposed to whom?
I have only really felt like I was a success when I became a parent. Having the unconditional love of a child was the most wonderful feeling.
My past attempts to control my impulses and addictive behaviors haven't been very successful. I tried on several different times to start diets and weight control programs with some success. But it was so easy to revert - to justify giving up. "Hey I proved I can lose weight - look at how well I am doing. So I can have (fill in the blank) because I have proven what I can do." After so many times of saying I 'earned' this - and realizing that I was no longer following the plan, so I would give it all up. Its the same cycle.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
