The Doctors Opinion - History of compulsive eating

I have always been a food sneak - eating when I was alone or sneaking food. As a kid I loved bread and peanut butter and jam. It was my main food until I reached high school. My mother used to comment on how easy it was to make my lunch because it was always the same - PB&J, fruit, milk, and of course, twinkies. I think the twinkies when I was a kid were better than they are now - they were softer, spongier. But I truly digress.

When I was in High School we had a very talented teacher that enjoyed staging reviews - and awards were given to people who had participated in the show. I wasn't a talent but I did help with the staging, lighting, rigging, etc. We took this show on the 'road' going to other schools with our show and, of course, we had to take our lunch as were gone all day. I made sure that I had enough food to 'sustain' me - probably enough to sustain the whole cast. At the end of the season I was given the Lunch Mouth Award and I didn't even see that it was an insult, not a complement.

I have tried diets and diet programs, but not until I was out of college and my body image had gotten to the point of blimp. I have never sought medical advise except when my GP said it would be good for me to lose some weight as was risking heart and stroke problems. I heard him but didn't really take any action to address it.

I think one of the most disappointing points about dieting was when I had gone onto a much stricter regimen eating only fresh vegetables at lunch (salad with no canned items) for several months and was doing quite well at reducing my weight. This was in response to my doctor finding that I had a heart arrhythmia. I thought that by losing the weight I would get things better in my heart beat but the cardiologist explained that the arrhythmia wasn't weight related but probably a result of a significant infection I had suffered. That was such a disappointment and it took the wind out of my sail and my will power.

This is really brief but for many years I didn't care - probably for two decades. I was 'happy' with my eating - probably the only thing that I felt I did well so I did it often.

Now I realize that my own will power and the diet programs that I had previously tried are missing the thing that will make it work - a higher power who will help me thorough One Day At A Time.

9. Have I made an honest appraisal of my experience and am I convinced that I can't handle life through self-will alone? Explain.

I think the answer is obvious - I haven't been able to will myself to control so many things. But that isn't what the question asks - it really is asking have you come to a conclusion, that is, become convinced. Although the answer is obvious that I haven't been able to handle things with self-will, if I remain deluded that I may someday attain that will, then I haven't convinced myself (or anyone else). The short answer is that I need help if I am ever going to handle the impacts in my life.

The other part of the question is whether I have made an honest appraisal of my experience - I think I have been honest about my experiences with trying to control my addiction. There does seem to be something weak about not having the will to handle stress without turning to food - to bingeing. And with God's help maybe I will be able to get to that place.