2.9 how do I define that Higher Power?

I believe that God the Father was the creator of heaven and earth. I believe heaven is a metaphysical place - not defined by my senses. I believe that the earth and all of the cosmos was part of a creation initiated by God and that we continue to gain understanding about what that physical realm is through science. I don't believe in creation as defined in the Bible as it was written before the understanding of the physical limitations but that creation is a process that is every evolving and changing.

It is that evolution that is God's plan, not the intelligent design that is professed by those who cling so tightly to something that doesn't account for time, evolution and science. Just like Copernicus opened our eyes to a helo-centric system, there are others who continue to open our eyes to theories that seem more logical and grounded than what is professed by 'right'.

So how does this define my Higher Power? I don't know that it does. I hear people in my faith say that God answered their prayers for healing, repairing, getting them through struggles. Others say, "It is God's Plan that " something bad should occur. So it was God's plans to devastate hundreds of thousands of innocents because of an earthquake/tsunami? It was his plan to put mad men into power to commit genocide on their own people? It was his plan to bankrupt our society and others in pursuit of hedonism and self-satisfaction?

Yet I know and believe that if it asked for it will be provided. I suppose the most important thing is to remember that the mere act of asking is a means of setting my head into a place that I can receive his help. That by asking and then by waiting for the answer - which won't be a thunderbolt but a whisper - I give Him time (in my own understanding of time) to respond.

Calvin espoused that we are fore-ordained to something - that the whole complicated plan is already defined by God, if we wish to participate in his Plan. Conceptually it is difficult to reason because foreordination removes free will. As we reasoned before if we have the heart of child, who has given his will to his parent for safety and sustenance, we can rely that God will care for us, listen to us, act for what is best for us. That may not be a part of this world but in the realm that we go to after we leave this mortal sphere.

So why am I having trouble with this? Why am I so stiff-necked and unwilling (there is the word again) to reach out to my higher power? Is it because I haven't fully sunk to the depths of dispair and believe that I can do this on my own without His help?

The step is completely about accepting and understanding the role of the higher power:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Now is the time to act as if ... even if I haven't gotten my arms around the complete concept try it and let it work but don't say I don't believe so I won't try - act as if.