5. Have I tried to control myself and wound up demoralized? Even when I succeed, has it been enough to make me happy? Explain.

5. Have I tried to control myself and wound up demoralized? Even when I succeed, has it been enough to make me happy? Explain.

How many times have I started something only to give up, to stop trying, to say its too hard. As a child, it was sports - I was never that good but had hopes. But once I would tryout and not succeed, I would quit. I know its a character flaw - but I often look back at it and think "My dad shouldn't have let me stop" or "Mom was too permissive about things like that." It was their fault that I wasn't better at things - not the fact that I just wasn't a very good athlete and lacked the tenacity to practice until I could master it.

As an adult I often let others decide what would happen. In work I never asked for or demanded raises or promotions. Fortunately, the promotions came without much trouble until I reached a manager; then it wasn't based on time on the job and being a loyal and diligent employee. It was based upon meeting or exceeding expectations and stroking the right egos.

In personal relationships it was also more like things would happen - not that I would make them happen. I started dating my wife after she let it be known that she wanted me to ask her out (to a personal friend). I didn't actually propose - I asked in a backward way "if I were to ask you would you consider it?" Not really a proposal. Then when it came time to actually ask - she said "if you were to ask that question, then I think I would say 'yes'" - several weeks later. So who proposed to whom?

I have only really felt like I was a success when I became a parent. Having the unconditional love of a child was the most wonderful feeling.

My past attempts to control my impulses and addictive behaviors haven't been very successful. I tried on several different times to start diets and weight control programs with some success. But it was so easy to revert - to justify giving up. "Hey I proved I can lose weight - look at how well I am doing. So I can have (fill in the blank) because I have proven what I can do." After so many times of saying I 'earned' this - and realizing that I was no longer following the plan, so I would give it all up. Its the same cycle.